Saturday, October 31, 2015

Maggie the Wonder Dog: Confession

I am Maggie the Wonder Dog. In case you don't know, I am an eleven pound Shih Tzu. I live on a farm and my job is, of course, to be a wonder, doing many things that no one would expect me to do. Like dancing in a circle, sneaking like a spy, and herding cows.  Yep!  I can do it all.  Well, I can do it almost all.  This business of having a baby sister... Now that's one thing I just can't quite do.  Ok.  I don't seem to be able to do it at all.

My mama told me confession is good for the soul and that I should confess what I have done.  I don't really want to do that confessing stuff.  Do you know what I mean?  Really, I got in enough trouble already.  I don't much want to worry about my soul, too!  Anyway, if it helps me get out of trouble, I'm all for it, so here goes.

You probably know that my mama went to run errands one day.  When she goes to run errands, she always brings me back a treat.  Usually, the treat is jerky.  I LOVE jerky!  On this terrible day, my mama brought me something that she called a surprise.  It was a surprise all right! It was a furry THING that kinda looked like a guinea pig at first.  It squeaked a lot and would pooh in the floor.  I did not like it one little bit.  My mama kept saying it was my adopted baby sister, but I could not believe it.

Finally, my friend Lou told me to sniff the coming-out part, I did, and found out it really was a dog. It's not much of a dog, though.  It is bigger than it used to be, and it looks just like a gremlin now.  You would not believe how pesty this Gremlin-dog is!  She just about drives me crazy.  She has learned about sniffing the coming-out part, and she wants to sniff constantly.  Really, once should be enough! She hops a lot, too.  I don't know why she doesn't walk, but she really likes hopping.  Hey, maybe she's really a bunny!  I like bunnies!  Well, she can't be a bunny, because I don't like her at all, and I would if she were a bunny.  Oh well.  All this hopping is a problem, because she wants to hop on me, too!  Boing! Boing! Boing!  Hopping all the time! 

Friday night, I was sharing Lou's food, just like I always do, and Mamie was trying to sneak some. Maybe she thought she was sneaking like a spy, but we could all see her.  I am the only one around here who sneaks like a spy!  Anyway, I barked at her and she would not quit.  That food bowl was not big enough for Lou and me and the Gremlin-dog, too.  I barked again and started to growl just a little.  She would not quit.  My mama says that is how puppies are, but I say they should learn.  Finally, I had barked and growled, and she wouldn't quit, so I started growling for real.  I was so frustrated that I chased her off the porch and pinned her down.  I was sick to death of her!  OK, I was growling and trying to bite her. My mama came flying in between us and grabbed her up, and a kinda bad thing happened.  I really, really didn't mean to do this, but I accidentally bit my mama.  Well, it was just a little bite, but it was still bad.  I confess it was not a nice thing to do.  My mama thought I was trying to kill my baby sister. I didn't really have killing on my mind, but I did have MAD and SICK TO DEATH on my mind!

 I tried to say I was sorry, but my mama wasn't interested in sorry.  She said, "Maggie.  I have had enough.  You may think you are the Alpha around here, but you are not.  I am the boss.  You are not, and you are going to have to do things my way."  She wasn't smiling when she said that.  Then she said something terrible.  She said, "Maggie, you are not acting like a Wonder Dog at all.  There are about to be some changes around here and you are going to find out who is boss."  My mama makes me sit on a pillow on the floor instead of in her lap and I have to sleep in the kitchen now.  She says I was too spoiled.  I like being spoiled.  I do not like sleeping in the kitchen, not one little bit.

This has not worked out like I expected at all. I thought I might run that dumb Gremlin-dog off, but it looks like I'm the one that's losing.  That dog is here to stay.  Her name is Mamie. That 's what my mama said I should say. She says she's tired of my not-nice names for Mamie.  OK.  Mamie.  Mamie. Mamie.  So there!

I confess it.  Mama said I had to confess and I am.  I haven't been nice to Mamie. I haven't liked Mamie.  In fact, I've been mean to Mamie.  The crazy thing, though, is that I'm the one that has lost out.  Being mean has only hurt me.  My mama is really big on this loving your enemies and being kind when you don't feel like it business.  She says that you don't get blessings for being mean.  You get blessings for loving and being kind.  I didn't believe her, but it looks like she was right. Again.

Mamie seems like an enemy to me, and it sure has been hard to be nice to her, but I'm trying.  Mama is making me.  The funny thing is that it's easier to be nice today than it was yesterday.  Mama says it will be even easier tomorrow.  You know, what else?  My mama has helped me a lot.  When Mamie is being pesty, she moves her quick before I get really angry.  She says that's what God does for her. When she doesn't want to do right, He helps her do it anyway!  That's a pretty good deal she has with God, don't you think? It's why she's helping me, and I'm really glad she is!

Well, Wonder Dogs have to give a Wonder Dog Lesson of the Day, and here's mine:

 There are no blessings for being mean.    
It's better to do things God's way.
If you need help, God will give it.  
Just ask Him. He's really nice that way.

The end.  By Maggie the Wonder Dog.

Sister of Mamie the Apprentice Wonder Puppy.
I can't believe I just wrote that!  Oh well...