Remembering My Way

For more than a decade, my friend and I have met in the prayer room during the Sunday School hour to pray. Over that time, we've shared our concerns, our fears, our struggles - not just about ourselves, but also about the world around us. We've prayed each other through some tough spots. We still do. 

Yesterday was one of those "tough spots" for me. 

The last few weeks have been hard. Jamie's hospitalization and death. Sam's grief. My rewrites. My son's search (albeit brief) for a new job. On and on. Like Martha (Mary's sister), I've been "worried and bothered about many things." (Luke 10:41)

I've soldiered on, trudging through whatever needed to be done, seeking direction, doing what I thought was right, looking for joy in the midst of the struggle. I've waited for God to fulfill His promises. I've done what needed to be done, and tried to be cheerful and optimistic through it all. There's been a fair share of grief, a fair share of hard, but I've only given in to tears once. Until yesterday.

Yesterday, I couldn't find my way.

Yesterday, I couldn't remember what promises I was waiting for God to fulfill. I couldn't remember if I had clear direction from God or not. I wanted an out-loud voice to speak from the heavens and say, "Leanna, this is my will." 

Did God tell me to do this writing adventure or did I make it up on my own? It was a critical question and one for which the answer could easily determine the rest of my life. I needed to be sure.

Yesterday, I wondered if the steps I've taken were God-ordained or not, and I despaired of knowing.

I was overwhelmed by uncertainty. 

Maybe you've felt like that before, too. It's the point of breaking, when God's will is more important than my will. Where His direction is all that matters.

I don't mind a hard time. I don't mind sacrifice. I don't mind it, if God has called me to it. What I feared the most was that I had called myself to it.

We prayed. I wept. I begged. "Show me the plan. Give me clarity."

I wasn't going to worship service. I was taking my fear and worry and tears home, where I could struggle in private. People might see my tear-streaked face and ask what was wrong. How could I tell someone that doubt, fatigue, and fear had overwhelmed me? I felt like a baby. I was acting like a baby. 

I went to worship service anyway. 

The sermon was from Exodus and I assumed it would be a wasted hour. I was so wrong.

When I turned the page of my Bible to Exodus 18, I saw it and nearly laughed out loud. In September of 2001, I had marked a passage and put a star by it. It was God's call on my life in a nutshell. Oh yeah, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I already know the plan. I already had clarity. I just needed to hang on to it.

Suddenly, my vision returned. My hope was restored. Everything made sense. My blog. My fiction. My little stories. 

I'm not off the path. 

I'm on the road less taken. It's a lonely, rugged path, but I am not alone. 

I love this place in my life, and sometimes I don't. This particular place is hard, but God is here, and that knowledge gives me peace. I don't have to know where this road leads, because He does. I don't have to know the complete plan, because He does.

My job is to take one step at a time, and keep taking those steps until He leads me home.

Yesterday, I wrote about it, but failed to catch the truth I'd written. Jesus' journey wasn't about the tasks He performed along the way. It was about eternity, and only the cross accomplished that. My journey, and yours, is more about eternity than about the jobs we perform, the tasks we accomplish along the way. 

My job as a disciple, and yours, is to follow my Master and allow the journey to change me into the kind of follower He intended me to be. It's not always an easy journey. It's not always a comfortable journey. But it's good. There's peace here, and joy.

The struggle is sometimes messy, confusing, and hard, and that's okay. Knowing we are in the midst of God's will makes all the difference, so if you're struggling, take those struggles to the One who knows the plan and holds you in His loving hands. He's more than willing to give you the help (and direction) you need.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 nasb 

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In case you missed any of the past week's posts, here are the links:  The New Normal, The Blessing Disguised as Coincidence, The Blessing of Protection, Becoming a Writer: Cover Reveal, I Shook His Hand Once, and Knowing the Goal.

The most read post of the past week: The New Normal.

Here's the link to The Clay Papers, available as an e-book for personal use or to send as a gift for only 99 cents. 

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photo courtesy of freeimages.com

#journey #disciple #JesusChrist #followHim

Refillable Nespresso Capsules and the Learning Curve

Several years ago, a fellow physician and I were drinking a cup of coffee between patients. The coffee was not as delicious as I'd prefer and he said, "I should bring some of my coffee." 

"What's different about your coffee?"

"I roast the beans myself."

Never one to let someone else know how to do something interesting without learning it myself, I asked for full details. It wasn't rocket science and, before long, I was an amateur coffee roaster, too.

Over the years, I've become very particular about coffee.

When Ryan and I went to the Bahamas to visit my cousin, Christy, our hotel included a Nespresso expresso machine in our room. Fabulous coffee. Eventually, I bought a Nespresso of my own. The only problem with the Nespresso (besides the cost of the capsules) was that I couldn't use my own coffee beans.

Recently, I saw some empty pods for another coffee maker. Do they have those for Nespresso? I wondered. It turns out they do. The reviews were not encouraging, but there was one review that gave me hope. "There's a definite learning curve," it said, and gave suggestions for using the empty capsules. I ordered a set.

The reviewer was right. There is a learning curve. I've read the instructions several times, adjusted the grind and the pack of the coffee. Tried again. And again.

This morning, I popped the newly filled coffee capsule in the machine, set it for a short expresso, and watched with delight as dark espresso dripped into my cup. I did it! 

The reviewer was right. There's a learning curve with the capsules. 

I've found the "learning curve" principle to be almost universally true with worthwhile projects, and no where more than in living the life of a disciple. 

If I'm not careful, I find that I do the things I don't want to do and don't do the things I do want to do. (Romans 7:14-25)

The apostle Paul had the same problem. There is a learning curve to this disciple business, and it takes more than "book learning", as my grandmother would say. 

We do no good for Jesus if we talk a great faith but do not live it. 

Is there a solution? Yes. It requires us to take every thought captive (2 Cor. 10:15) rather than let our minds run wild like a herd of mustangs. It requires focus, and our focus cannot be on ourselves, our children, or the stuff we want. Our focus must be on God. 

There's a key point about being a disciple that is often overlooked, and it's the key to everything in this Christian life we're living.

Disciples follow.

Just to be clear, disciples follow their master. We all follow something or someone, and the life we live, the choices we make reveal the one we follow. 

What does my life say about the One I follow? What does your life say about the One you follow?

If we are to be a disciple of Christ, we must follow Him. (Matt. 4:19) Not from a distance, but up close and personal. We must learn to think like Him. Talk like Him. Act like Him. There's a definite learning curve, but the closer we follow, the easier it becomes.

Where are you on the learning curve of discipleship? What can you do to move along the curve? 

If I had stopped at the first failed cup of Nespresso with my new refill capsules, I'd never have reached the stage of good espresso. It's the same way with discipleship. If we stop at the first failure, we'll never reach the stage of peace that comes with following close behind our Christ.

Are you struggling? Have you had a failure? (Either a private failure that only you and God know or a spectacular, public failure that everyone knows...) Receive the grace of God. (Romans 8:15) Accept the learning curve, but don't stay at the bottom of the curve. 

Press on. 

"Brethren, I do no regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14-15 nasb

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In case you missed any of the past week's posts, here are the links: The Wonder Girls Close the Park, Soft drinks, snacks, and airplane takeoff, Yeast in the Flour, The Problem With Phone Calls, How to Recognize Good News, and Removing the Callus.

The most read post of the past week: Removing the Callus.

#learningcurve #presson #disciple #followHim #Nespresso