Friday, May 23, 2014

Friday Night With Friends: Ole Lou Takes a Turn: The Snake Escapade

Ole Lou is our guest blogger tonight.  It's his first time, so it took him longer than he expected, but better late than never!  He is a good friend to Maggie the Wonder Dog and friend and protector for Mamie the Apprentice Wonder Puppy.  He had a big adventure today and has decided to share it with us.  Enjoy!
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Well, I shore never expected to be writing a block.  Or blog.  I don't even know what that is, but when Mama said "Write it" I just said "Yes, ma'am."  I knowd better'n to tell her no, even if I am older'n her in dog years.  I don't rightly know how old I am, anyhow.  It don' matter much 'cause I ain't talkin' bout ages no way.

What I'm talking about is snakes.  It's been my job 'round here to sound the alarm when snakes come sneaking around.  My mama don't mind a snake she knows about, 'specially if it eats mice and rats, but she don't allow none of them snakes to sneak up on her.  She just can't stand that.  When one comes sneakin', I bark the snake-bark and she comes runnin' with her hoe.  She's pretty tough with that hoe.  I shore don't want her to get that thing after me!  Our system has worked pretty good for a long time.

The other day, Mama came home from work and I was layin' in her flower bed.  I know she don't like that none, and it ain't always a good idea to try it, but there was a good reason, and I'll tell ye in a minute.  My mama got out of her car, and she lit in to me right away! "Lou Hollis what in the world are you doing in my flower bed?  You know better than that!" I just looked at her and said, "Mama you are gonna find out exactly what I'm doing here in about a minute, so just hold on." I didn't mean no disrespect, but I had to lay down somewheres.  I'm old!

Mama got to the porch, and let out a screech.  Well, it was really her snake-scream.  They was the biggest snake I'd ever seen on our porch.  It stretched from the door to the wood rack and it had draped itself all along my bed.  Ain't no way I'm laying down with a snake on my bed.  Thass why I was in the flower bed.  Anyway, it would'a been better if mama had got her hoe.  That snake-scream of hers will raise the hair on yo' head but it ain't never killed no snake.  That big ole thing just slithered off the porch and its been sneakin' round ever since.

Today, that thing got on her back patio.  She and Maggie and little baby Mamie had been out there just a little while before.  Thank the Good Lord they had gone to the greenhouse.  That snake is gettin' bigger ever day, I'm shore of it!  When they come back from the greenhouse, Maggie heard me barking the snake-bark and she came running, and so did little Mamie.  We was so worried bout that baby that we both got goin' on the snake-bark.  We was puttin' up a ruckus!  Finally, Mama came around.  By the time she got there, that ole snake was so mad it was trying to bite me.  I thought, "Better me than that 'lil baby dog," but I was worried. Can you believe it?  My mama came without her hoe!  I was barking the snake-bark and that always means to get the hoe, but I reckon she got in a hurry agin.

That snake hid in the monkey grass and it was slithering this way and that.  Mama got her flat-headed shovel.  I don' know what that thing is good for, but it ain't for killin' snakes, thass for shore.  She near bout tore up that monkey grass, but I'm doubtin' she hit that snake.  Anyways, Mama took Maggie and Mamie inside and left me outside on guard.  She said she had just finished all the yard work she was doing this day.  I really think it was the snake that finished it for her.

I ain't seen that snake agin' but I'm on guard.  If it comes back, I'm barkin' the snake-bark agin and Mama best be bringing her hoe.  They's one thing for sure.  I'm not gettin' near my bed til that varmit is gone.  I'm sleeping in the flower bed, even if mama don't like it.

Well Maggie and Mamie tole me I needed to tell a lesson, so here it is.

If you don't want the snake to get the little 'uns you best be sounding the alarm.
When the snake takes yo' bed, let 'im have it.  The flower bed is the safest place.
Hoes are better than screams when it comes to snakes.

The end. By Ole Lou.