Lessons from Sam: The Importance of I Love You

This is Sam Wiley week. It started when he turned 86 on Sunday. We hung out together most of the day and he talked about life and the lessons learned. 

I didn't actually intend to have an entire week of Sam sessions, but I've gained so much from him over the years that the wisdom he's shared with me is too precious to hoard. 

As many of you will remember, Sam's wife, Jamie, died back in October. They'd been married for six decades. Their daughter died after three months of a heart problem, so it was just the two of them all those years.

It's just Sam and me now, and these are precious, but hard days. Sam has a good many medical problems and he's no longer strong and vigorous like he used to be.

Life has changed for Sam in ways he never imagined. One of those ways, of course, is the loss of his wife. As we sat on the patio Sunday and watched the waves on the lake, Sam talked about regret. 

"The one thing I regret the most is that I didn't tell Jamie I love her enough. We did love each other, in our way, and we had a good life. We didn't have all some people have, but we had enough."

I disagreed. "Jamie knew you loved her, Sam."

"Well it wouldn't have me cost nothing to say it more. I shoulda done that, and I wish now I had. But it's too late. I'm telling you. You better tell the people you love that you do, because your chance will be over before you know it."

Sam's right. I've been thinking about love languages recently. All my characters in my current novel have taken the love language test, and I have, too. My love language is quality time. Sweet words and a big hug are nice, too, but they don't mean much if you don't back it up by spending time with me. 

Judging by almost 27 years with Sam, his love language is either acts of service or quality time, too. Words are not the tool he uses to say I love you, but he's learning. It's too late to say I love you to Jamie, but he's taking advantage of the time he has left to say I love you to those he loves.

There's not a day that passes now that Sam doesn't tell me thank you. There's not a day that passes that he doesn't say I love you, if not in words, then in his actions and his attitudes. He uses words a lot more now than he ever has.

If Sam Wiley, at 86 years old, can learn a new way of loving, we can, too. 

He's right. Life is short. Too short, in some ways. The people we love can be gone in an instant. We need to be intentional about loving while we can. 

We need to show people we love them, but we need to tell those we love that we love them, too. Don't wait until tomorrow. 

Life is short. Love well and don't forget to say it, too.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16 nasb

"Great love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 nasb

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." 

1 Corinthians 13:13 niv

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#Iloveyou #lovelanguage #SamWiley

The Temperament Test and Married Oneness

It was a crazy idea, but I was desperate. 

The characters in my fiction needed greater depth, and my editor had assigned me a variety of books to help. One of those books suggested a Temperament Test to help me get to know my characters. Give yourself the test first, it suggested.

I took the test. My temperament is present in only 1% of the population. Readers will never be able to identify with a character who has my temperament, because so few people do. 

It was a dilemma. 

Each of my characters took the test (well, I answered the questions using their supposed mindset) to learn their category of personality. As you might imagine, this has been a peculiar process. I could understand their general category, but still couldn't visualize how it would play out in their lives.

At last, I had a brainstorm. 

Admittedly, it was a crazy idea, but I thought it might work. I would recruit my friends, give them the test, find someone with the same categories as each of the people in my novel, and use their personalities to help me craft my characters.

It seemed sensible at the time.

I have the greatest friends in the world. Eight of my friends joined me last night for a "test party". We had a blast. As each one arrived, I gave them the "Love Language" questionnaire. When they finished the Love Test, they moved to the Temperament Test. 

I had to beg people to leave their tests and eat dinner. Everyone wanted to help, but, I think, they also wanted to see their "category".

I still can't believe this, but none of the eight people had the same temperament as the doctor, the shooting victim, or the FBI agent. 

I learned something interesting, though. One of the couples had exactly the same love language and exactly the same temperament score. No, they didn't cheat.

"What's up with that?" I asked.

"We've been married so long, we've changed to be just alike." 

In fact, the two have become one. 

I should have anticipated it. These two people have overcome tremendous odds to have a marriage that glorifies God in every way. They laugh together, love together, and serve God together. Their marriage is a rare and beautiful example of the grace and power of God.

I didn't gain what I expected from the test party, but I did gain a glimpse into the plans God has for His children. 

When He first joined husband and wife, He meant for them to become one. When they do, it is a beautiful testimony to the God we serve.

After everyone left last night, I pondered the improbability of two people becoming so "one", and realized that this joining of hearts and minds is a miracle only God can do. 

If you're married, you, too, can have this kind of "oneness" by the power of God, so dedicate yourself to becoming all God meant you to be. (No. Not everyone will demonstrate unity by having the same temperament test scores and the same love language, but unity will be evident to those who know you.)

If you're not married, take heart. Before God knit my friends together, He drew each of them to Himself, and that's the biggest miracle of all. It's a miracle you can experience, even if you are never joined to a spouse.

"For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." 

                                                         Genesis 2:24 nasb

"In Him was life, and the life was the light of men... But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name."

                       John 1: 4, 12 nasb

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Kathy McKinsey wrote a beautiful article for Friday Night with Friends, New Beginning. If you haven't read it yet, you can click here. You can read more by Kathy at her blog. 

In case you missed one of this week's posts, here are the links:  The Tree That Preached a Sermon, The Wounded Deer and the Unsaid Words, Being Angry Without Sin, Starting Over: It's Not as Easy as It Seems, Behavior That Demonstrates Belief, Answered Prayer: The Bulletproof Vest, Bringing Good from Tragedy: Wives of Warriors Make a Difference, and Friday Night with Friends: New Beginning. 

#marriage #twobecomeone #temperamenttest #lovelanguage #unity #JesusChrist