Saturday, February 6, 2016

The Temperament Test and Married Oneness



It was a crazy idea, but I was desperate. 

The characters in my fiction needed greater depth, and my editor had assigned me a variety of books to help. One of those books suggested a Temperament Test to help me get to know my characters. Give yourself the test first, it suggested.

I took the test. My temperament is present in only 1% of the population. Readers will never be able to identify with a character who has my temperament, because so few people do. 

It was a dilemma. 

Each of my characters took the test (well, I answered the questions using their supposed mindset) to learn their category of personality. As you might imagine, this has been a peculiar process. I could understand their general category, but still couldn't visualize how it would play out in their lives.

At last, I had a brainstorm. 

Admittedly, it was a crazy idea, but I thought it might work. I would recruit my friends, give them the test, find someone with the same categories as each of the people in my novel, and use their personalities to help me craft my characters.

It seemed sensible at the time.

I have the greatest friends in the world. Eight of my friends joined me last night for a "test party". We had a blast. As each one arrived, I gave them the "Love Language" questionnaire. When they finished the Love Test, they moved to the Temperament Test. 

I had to beg people to leave their tests and eat dinner. Everyone wanted to help, but, I think, they also wanted to see their "category".

I still can't believe this, but none of the eight people had the same temperament as the doctor, the shooting victim, or the FBI agent. 

I learned something interesting, though. One of the couples had exactly the same love language and exactly the same temperament score. No, they didn't cheat.

"What's up with that?" I asked.

"We've been married so long, we've changed to be just alike." 

In fact, the two have become one. 

I should have anticipated it. These two people have overcome tremendous odds to have a marriage that glorifies God in every way. They laugh together, love together, and serve God together. Their marriage is a rare and beautiful example of the grace and power of God.

I didn't gain what I expected from the test party, but I did gain a glimpse into the plans God has for His children. 

When He first joined husband and wife, He meant for them to become one. When they do, it is a beautiful testimony to the God we serve.

After everyone left last night, I pondered the improbability of two people becoming so "one", and realized that this joining of hearts and minds is a miracle only God can do. 

If you're married, you, too, can have this kind of "oneness" by the power of God, so dedicate yourself to becoming all God meant you to be. (No. Not everyone will demonstrate unity by having the same temperament test scores and the same love language, but unity will be evident to those who know you.)

If you're not married, take heart. Before God knit my friends together, He drew each of them to Himself, and that's the biggest miracle of all. It's a miracle you can experience, even if you are never joined to a spouse.

"For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." 
                                                         Genesis 2:24 nasb


"In Him was life, and the life was the light of men... But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name."
                       John 1: 4, 12 nasb

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Kathy McKinsey wrote a beautiful article for Friday Night with Friends, New Beginning. If you haven't read it yet, you can click here. You can read more by Kathy at her blog

In case you missed one of this week's posts, here are the links:  The Tree That Preached a SermonThe Wounded Deer and the Unsaid WordsBeing Angry Without SinStarting Over: It's Not as Easy as It SeemsBehavior That Demonstrates BeliefAnswered Prayer: The Bulletproof Vest, Bringing Good from Tragedy: Wives of Warriors Make a Difference, and Friday Night with Friends: New Beginning

#marriage #twobecomeone #temperamenttest #lovelanguage #unity #JesusChrist